On to Closet World!
by Le soleil brille pas pour toi
Summary: Completed. A parody of the Narnia movie, of what it would be like if my friends and I were starring in the movie. I'm in it too! I'm Molly! Obviously...! Rated T for... somewhat mature subjects and language.
1. The middle of nowhere

SIX SONS OF ADAM AND EIGHT DAUGHTERS OF EVE

CHAPTER ONE - THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE

One fine day, in the middle of World War II, Molly, Erin, Melodie, Kaitlyn, Janel, Kristy, Hilary, Brenna, Brad, Govind, Tall Devon, Short Devon, Brady and James were all sitting in the bomb shelter.

"Is the war over yet?" Janel complained.

"Lemme check..." Melodie said. She opened the hatch on the cieling and poked her head out. There was a sudden explosion-y sound. Melodie came back into the bomb shelter with her face blackened.

"Nope. Not over yet."

Everyone groaned in boredom.

"If I ever find who started this war in the first place, I'll kill them!" Tall Devon said.

Kaitlyn suddenly looked nervous. "Uh... Isn't _killing _a little harsh? It's only a war..."

"Yeah," Molly added. "It's not like it's the Apocalypse again." A slightly glazed look came across her face, then she grinned. "Good times..."

"Yeah. I'm so sure. I had jam stains on ALL my socks for like two weeks after that!" Brad said angrily.

"Um. Do I care?" Molly countered.

"No," everyone said simultaneously in a monotonous tone.

FAST FORWARDING TO WHEN THEY'RE AT THE TRAIN STATION

The 14... companions, we'll call them... boarded the train and all miraculously managed to squeeze into a single train compartment.

"So, why are our parents sending us to the middle of nowhere?" Brenna asked as five people stepped on her foot at the same time.

"I dunno. Our parents aren't even in this story. We're just doing what the script tells us," Brady supplied. Everyone nodded in agreement.

Then the train pulled into the middle-of-nowhere little station and they all piled out, Brenna's toes being stepped on another five times.

"That was a short train ride, considering we went halfway across the country..." Pascale said.

"Pascale! You can't come, you're not in band!" Kaitlyn said.

"Neither are you! Come on, we're going home." Pascale took Kaitlyn by the arm and flew away.

"Hey, I'm going home too! I'm quitting band, remember? Plus I miss J.J." So Kristy flew after them, leaving only the true band geeks behind.

"That was weird," said Short Devon.

FAST FORWARDING TO AT THE BIG OLD HOUSE

"Let's go play hide and seek!" said Hilary. Everyone looked at her.

"Hide and seek is soooooo second grade!" said Brenna. Everyone looked at her.

"You guys, we _do_ have to play hide and seek eventually, so we can find that little world inside the wardrobe," said Govind. Everyone looked at him. "Uh... forget I said that."

Everyone shrugged.

"You guys! I know what we can do! ...KNITTING!" Short Devon pulled out some knitting needles and continued work on the scarf he was making for his pet caterpillar.

"Uh... no. Let's just go play hide and seek to get it out of the way," Molly said.

"NOT IT!" yelled everyone except Brady.

"Not--dammit!" Brady said. Everyone else ran away to find a hiding spot.

Melodie ran into the hallway, ran in circles for a few seconds, then sat on the floor. Brady ran into the hallway, ran in circles for a few second, then saw Melodie.

"I FOUND YOU I FOUND YOU I FOUND YOU!" he yelled.

"Awwww..." said Melodie.

Molly ran into a random room with lots of curtains. She chose a particularly not-pink set of curtains and hid behind them.

"No one will ever find me here!" she said loudly.

The curtains were pulled back by none other than Stalker Boy, James.

"Hi Molly," said James.

"Hi James," said Molly.

"I love you," said James.

"Like I haven't heard that before," said Molly, rolling her eyes. James jumped on her and she screamed.

"OH MY GOD YOU GUYS HE'S RAPING ME AGAIN SAAAAAAAVE MEEEEEEE!" she yelled.

Brady ran into the room yelling "I FOUND YOU I FOUND YOU I FOUND YOU" just in time to see James handcuffing Molly and sitting on her. "OH GOD" he yelled and ran out.

"NOOOOOOOOO! SOMEONE SAVE ME!" Molly had just enough time to yell before a gag was stuffed down her throat.

Erin ran to the roof and shortly after heard Molly scream. "I'M COMING!" she yelled. She ran into the room of curtains and threw James out the window.

"Oh my God I killed Kenny. I mean James," said Erin, looking out the window.

"Bastard," said Molly.

Brady ran in. "I FOUND YOU I FOUND YOU I FOUND YOU!" Brady ran out.

There was a story for everyone else too but the author was impatient for the story to actually get somewhere.

Short Devon ran into a big room without a door that was completely empty. Janel was sitting in the corner. "Go away!" she said to Short Devon. "I got her first!"

Short Devon ran out of the room and into the closest door. It was empty except for a big white blob thing at the back. The mysterious music started up and Short Devon walked slowly toward it with a look of intrigue/stupidity on his face.

He pulled the white sheet off and gazed into the complete simplicity of a big wooden wardrobe with awe. "I'll hide in here!" he said. He jumped up into the wardrobe and ran to the back.

"Whoa! There's coats in here!" said Short Devon, accidentally cutting his face in the spikes of the gothic-y jackets. He ran wildly through the wardrobe until reaching some trees.

"Wow, these are some real weird people. Who keeps trees in their wardrobes?" said Short Devon. He emerged into a clearing in the woods.

"HOLY SHIT!" he yelled, "This closet thingy is bigger than I thought it was!"


	2. Narnia, finally

The next part of the comical adventures of my friends and I in Narnia. Woo!

----------------

Short Devon looked around the big clearing in the woods supposedly in the wardrobe. Then he saw a horse thing coming toward him.

"Whoa! A horse thing!" Short Devon said.

"Excuse me, I'm a fawn, not a horse thing," said the horse thing.

"Okay. But you look more like a horse thing to me," said Short Devon thoughtfully. The horse thing sighed.

"Look. I'm Mr. Dumbness. Come to my house for tea or whatever."

"Why should I?" said Short Devon suspiciously.

"Because... well..."

"Well?"

Mr. Dumbness knocked Short Devon unconscious, picked him up and ran to his cave. Short Devon woke up some time later to see Mr. Dumbness playing a mutated flute.

"Hey!" said Short Devon. "I know people who have flutes too, only not messed up like that one... did you spill acid on it?"

"No. Now--"

"PIGGYBACK!" Short Devon jumped on Mr. Dumbness' back and clung to his neck.

"Can't... breathe... choookiiiiinnng..." Mr. Dumbness fell dead to the floor and Short Devon jumped up.

"Wow, usually they last longer than that... Oh well!" And with that he ran back to the wardrobe door and into the house in the middle of nowhere.

"YOU GUYS! YOU GUYS! GUESS WHERE I'VE BEEN!" Short Devon ran around the halls trying to get peoples' attention.

Erin came out of the opposite doorway. "With your mom. Oooh count it!"

"No, I went in the wardrobe and there was some place called Narnia and a horse thing and then it hit me on the head so I killed it and now I'm back!"

"Yeah right. You were only gone for like two seconds," Hilary said.

"No, I was gone for hours!" Short Devon protested. "Why don't you believe me?"

"Because you're lying," said Kaitlyn.

"Wait a minute, didn't you and Pascale fly away last chapter?" Melodie said confusedly.

"Fine. I know where I'm not wanted. I'm gonna go be a warlord or something..." She flew away once again.

"Anyways, let's change scenes to where Little Devon sneaks back into the wardrobe and someone follows him and finds out that Narnia really does exist," said Janel.

"Okay then," everyone agreed.

--------------------

Little Devon left the room quietly, then knocked over a bunch of glass vases loudly. Nobody woke up.

Suddenly, a mouse sneezed in the basement. Tall Devon woke startled. "WHAT WAS THAT!" he said. Then he noticed the door open just a little.

Tall Devon went out to the hallway and saw Short Devon disappear through a doorway, so he followed. Short Devon had gone into the wardrobe room and into the wardrobe.

"Ha! I'll go and annoy him!" Tall Devon said to himself. He entered the wardrobe and...

WE NOW GO TO A COMMERCIAL BREAK!

Molly: Tired of always being uncool and weird, like...

Erin: Like your mom! OOOH COUNT IT!

Molly: Um. Yeah. As I was saying, we can't help you with that. But we CAN sell you some useless junk that won't really help you but will get us more money!

Melodie: (Holding up a poster with a picture of a Thneed on it) This is our junk!

Janel: You need a Thneed.

Kristy: What is a Thneed, you might ask? You may remember Thneeds from such books as Dr. Seuss' _"The Lorax"_ and... stuff.

Govind: But have you ever considered how much a Thneed could improve your life?

Brady: We don't really know what it is, but you can still buy it for only $49.95!

Brad: And now we have a limited time only offer - 2 for the price of 12!

Brenna: Call now and find what you've been missing all your life.

Hilary: You need a Thneed!

AND NOW, BACK TO OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!

Short Devon entered the wardrobe and after finding his way through the gothic coats stepped out into the forest.

"Why did I come back here? I have nothing to do. I guess I'll just go sit by a tree for a while," he said, and went off deeper into the woods.

Tall Devon also stepped into the forest from the wardrobe. "Wow! There is a forest in here! I wonder where Short Devon went..."

Suddenly, Tall Devon heard sleigh bells coming from the path. A sledge came into view and he saw Kristy sitting on a throne on top.

"Heyy, Kristy!" Tall Devon called. He waved at her.

"I'm not Kristy!" said Kristy, stopping the sleigh. "I'm the White Witch of Narnia!"

"Whatever. Can I have a ride?" Tall Devon asked.

"Fine," Kriaty said. She moved over on the sleigh to make room.

"I didn't mean on the sleigh," Tall Devon said.

"Ew! My boyfriend is here you know!" Kristy pointed to J. J. who was tied up on a leash beside the sleigh.

"I'm just gonna go right to the point. I need some people to come here so I can kill them and destroy the prophecy. Bring the band people to my castle over there and I'll give you turkish delight," Kristy offered.

"Turkish delight? Come on! I'm not some greedy British kid. Offer me something I _really_ want..."

"Fine. What do you want?" Kristy said annoyed-ly.

"I want you and all the other grade 8 people to fail so we'll all stay in the same school," Tall Devon said.

"Wow. That doesn't seem like something you'd say..." Kristy speculated.

"Yeah. I was gonna say something else but the network thought it wasn't appropriate."

Kristy rolled her eyes. "Oh God. Fine. We'll all fail. Just get the band people over here so I can kill them!"

"Okay. See ya!" Tall Devon turned around went back toward the wardrobe entrance as Kristy aka the White Witch turned her sleigh around and went back to her castle.


	3. Beaver butt

Here we go, another messed-up Narnia chapter, fresh from my messed-up mind.

**On to Closet World!  
Chapter 3 - Beaver Butt**

Short Devon finished sitting in the woods and staring blankly at the sky, so he ran over to the clearing by the closet-entrance and spotted Tall Devon.

"Devon! Catch me!" Short Devon yelled, running at full speed to Tall Devon. Short Devon jumped and landed in Tall Devon's arms then jumped down again. "You got into Closet World too!"

"Yeah... Cool isn't it..." Tall Devon almost told Short Devon about his meeting with Kristy-- I mean... the White Witch, but a little voice in his head (who later turned out to be the director) told him not to, so he didn't.

The two Devons ran back through the closet-door to the old house in the middle of nowhere and back to the room where everyone was sleeping.

"You guys! YOU GUYS! Wake up!" Short Devon yelled. Everyone woke up.

"What is it _now_?" Brenna said. "I was sleeping."

"That's why I woke you up," Short Devon stated obviously. "But this is important! Both me AND Tall Devon got to Closet World!"

"Wasn't it called Narnia?" said James.

"Nobody asked you. Shut up," said Govind.

James just got up and started to walk around making a drum-set noise kind of like: 'Uhn-tss, uhn-tss, uhn-tss' then Janel hit him over the head with a random brick, killing him.

"Oh my God, she killed... Hey, wait a minute. Didn't Erin kill James in chapter one?" Hilary asked.

"We're doing the South Park thing, like when Kenny is killed every episode, remember?" said Brady.

"Oh, right," Hilary said. "Well then - Oh my God, she killed James!"

"Bastard," everyone said together.

"Hey, back to me now!" said Short Devon, jumping around trying to get their attention.

"Trust me," said the ghost of Sam McGee, "it's not easy to get some peoples' attention..." With that he wandered away, munching on his frog toast.

"YOU GUYS!" Short Devon bellowed. "LISTEN TO ME!"

"Your mom listens to you," said Brad.

"Brad stop trying to use 'your mom' burns. You're not good at them," Molly said dryly.

"Your mom's not good at them..." he muttered under his breath.

"Listen. I DID go through the closet to Closet World! And this time Tall Devon was with me! Go on, tell them," he said, turning to Tall Devon.

"Uhh... Actually, we were just pretending," Tall Devon said.

"NO! YOU WERE THERE!" Short Devon started crying over-dramatically. "Melodie, you're my favorite!" He ran over to Melodie to get a hug.

"Whatever," said Molly. "I'm gonna go eat chocolate for breakfast." She left to go to the kitchen and everyone else followed.

--------------------------

Later on, everyone got bored so they decided to go out and play cricket, even though that's not what happened in the actual book.

"Why are we playing cricket anyway?" Hilary complained. "It's for snobby British people."

"We have to break a window _somehow_," Janel replied.

"Alright, who's up first?" Tall Devon called.

"Me!" Brady said. He went up with his cricket bat, Tall Devon threw the ball and...

"STRIKE ONE!" called Melodie as Brady hit the ball so far it crashed through a window.

"Uh... Mel? I wouldn't exactly call that a strike," Erin said.

"Hey, don't make fun of my golf skills!" Melodie said.

They all ran into the house and heard footsteps coming toward them. They were chased to the wardrobe room, and when the footsteps still followed them, into the closet. They came out in the snowy world of Narnia.

"Wow, Short Devon was right!" Brenna exclaimed, "There _is_ a world in the closet!"

"Let's go exploring!" Janel said.

"Sure, as long as I don't have to be a drunk rock star..." Govind said.

"Wait, let's all take a jacket since it's not really cold out," said Short Devon. Everyone agreed to this so they all took a gothic-looking jacket from the wardrobe and traipsed out into the woods. After a while they came across a beaver.

"It's a beaver!" said Brad.

"No, I'm a moose," said the beaver sarcastically.

"Omigod, no way! I've never seen an actual moose before!" Hilary said. "Does anyone have a camera?"

"I _am_ a beaver, you twat. I was being sarcastic," it said impatiently. "Let's go, we have to go to my dam."

"DON'T USE THAT KIND OF LANGUAGE!" Melodie yelled at the beaver.

"Melodie, it wasn't swearing. A dam is what a beaver home is called," Erin informed her.

"Oh. Well still, don't swear!" Melodie said.

"Yeah. Are we done here?" the beaver said. "We've got to get going, or the trees will hear us!"

"Whoa! The trees here are alive?" Brady said. He had trouble grasping some concepts. He still marveled over the fact that girls lay eggs.

"Uh... sure they are, if it'll make you all hurry," said the beaver. He ran off into the woods and everyone followed for lack of anything better to do.

After running through the woods for a while and Melodie tripping a lot, they reached a pile of wood in the middle of a stream.

"Here it is, my humble home!" the beaver said proudly.

"Wow. What a pile of crap," Molly commented. "Is this _really_ where you live?"

"Yes. I don't suppose you would shut up?" said the beaver, not so happily.

"No. You suck," said Molly.

"Just come down to meet the warlord," the beaver sighed.

They all went to the supposed dam and upon entering were surprised to see...

"KAITLYN!" yelled Erin, Molly and Melodie.

"People!" Kaitlyn said by way of greeting.

"What are you doing here?" Erin asked her.

"I _told_ you I was gonna be a warlord," she said, "and so now I'm Aslan's chief in war. I get my own lightsaber!" She proudly held up a purple lightsaber, nearly cutting off the beaver's head.

"Alrighty then, let's cut the story off right here since the author's wrist is sore!" said Brenna. The scene faded out.

----------------------

Just in case you're interested, I base all the characters on exactly how they act in real life. EXACTLY.

This one was full of inside jokes. I'll explain a few:

The 'ghost of Sam McGee' thing was from a poetry assignment I did with Erin and it ended up being awesome. For further explanation, message me.

Melodie's golf skills are from when she and Erin went golfing and whenever she hit the golf ball she'd yell, "ONE!" and Erin's like, "Uh, don't you mean 'four'?" Melodie was made fun of after that.

The drunk rock star thing is from when me, Kaitlyn, Kristy, Janel, Brenna, Govind and Brad were all together for a group in drama, and we had some explorers and Govind was cast as a British drunken rock star, which he didn't really like.

The 'girls lay eggs' thing is from last year in PDR. We were discussing the reproductive system and our teacher just got to the part about 'fertilizing the eggs' when Brady got confused and said, "Girls lay eggs?" We are still laughing at that.

And as you may have heard, I fractured my wrist so after this I won't be writing much until the cast is off. Boo hoo. So be patient.


	4. Pyromaniacal acts

**Disclaimer: I do not own Edmund or Susan or Lucy or Peter or Beaver or Mrs. Beaver or even the guard in Kristy's prison. Nothing from the book/movie, I own. Own the Yoda Speak, also I do not. But I still pwn. Even though I still don't know how to pronounce 'pwn'. I don't own leet either. But I own my ice cream and that's all that matters.**

Problems, I have.

* * *

Right. Here I am, writing my story with just my left hand 'cause my right arm is in a cast, and I haven't even finished the stupid social studies project. God I'm gonna fail miserably in the real world. 

In this episode... chapter... thingy, there will be lots of fire, stupid things being said, and me being an obsessive stalker. Enjoy!

* * *

CHAPTER FOUR - PYROMANIACAL ACTS

The bunch of kids came into the beaver's pile of wood only to find more random strangers who looked oddly like movie stars.

"I'd like you to meet Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy. They're some more random people who have come to stay in our home," said Mrs. Beaver. Molly's eye started to twitch.

"Ed- Edmund...?" she said. Everyone took a step back. Molly ran to where he was sitting and for once in her life acted how the rest of the female teenage population of North America would around a movie star.

"OMIGOD OMIGOD IT'S YOU! YOU'RE, LIKE, SKANDER KEYNES! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF A NAME IS THAT? WHY DO I CARE? YOU'RE FAMOUS!"

Well, not exactly.

Suddenly, Molly's cousin Kendra appeared in the beaver hut.

"Molly, just _what_ do you think you're doing? Edmund is _mine_. I claim him."

"What are you gonna do, mark your territory?"

Edmund went a bit pale.

"Well you get Mike Teavee. Edmund is mine."

"No way! Mike Teavee is like 12 years old! Edmund is _mine_."

"Why don't you go marry Harry Potter or something!"

"I can't... He got a restraining order..." Molly looked away sheepishly. "But that was in grade four. I'm so past Harry Potter. Why don't you go marry Frodo?"

"I never even liked him!"

By now everyone else but Molly and Kendra had gone and started dinner, and James was sitting in the corner crying.

"Wow, this is so gay. You can have him," Molly said.

"Really?"

"No." Molly took out a remote control and pressed the power button. Kendra died. Molly shoved the corpse under a rug and went to join the people at the supper table, forcing Lucy out of her chair so she could sit by Edmund.

"Ahem. Now that we have everyone's attention, it's time we got to the main point," Beaver said.

"Which would be...?" Melodie said.

"That because of some prophecy you all have to go fight in Aslan's war to defeat the White Witch," Mrs. Beaver supplied.

"Who's Aslan?" Peter asked.

"Who cares?" Erin said.

"Him, obviously," Brenna said, rolling her eyes.

"Aslan is a talking lion, and the true ruler of Narnia, not the White Witch, and he's is waiting at the Stone Table with your army," Beaver said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Is the Stone Table a pub?" Janel asked.

"Nope. Any other questions?"

Silence.

"Then let's eat!" Mrs. Beaver set a plate of wood chips and splinters in front of everyone. They all dumped it all on the floor, conveniently being made of pieces of wood anyway, so their "meal" would be unnoticed.

Edmund tried to get up and leave for his own reasons, but Molly held up her knife and muttered under her breath, "Not on your life." Edmund stayed put.

Tall Devon, however, did make it out of the beaver dam unnoticed, and went off to the White Witch's palace.

We skip the walking part and cut right to when Tall Devon gets in to see Kristy.

"Heyy, Kristy!" Tall Devon said upon entering her throne room.

"I told you, I'm not Kristy! I'm the White Witch," Kristy said in annoyance.

"Oh, right. Whatever. Can I have my reward now?"

"No. You're incompetent not to have brought them here."

"They're at the little beaver dam," Tall Devon said with finality. Meaning he was tired of talking. Meaning... something.

"Fiiine. Wolf police guys, go kill 'em."

"Can I at least have something to eat?"

"J. J., put him in the dungeon," Kristy said, pointing to a random door.

"We don't have a dungeon," J. J. said in exasperation.

"Well, send him somewhere!"

The props guys built a prison for Tall Devon. Also, since Short Devon killed Mr. Dumbness, we threw James in the other cell.

So Tall Devon sat bored in his cell while everyone else was still back at the dam...

"Hey, you guys, where's Tall Devon?" Hilary said suddenly.

"He went to see Kristy, obviously," said Govind.

"Then we've got to leave right now!" Beaver said urgently. "Let's go!"

Everyone scrambled through a trap door in the floor to an underground tunnel, but not before Molly set the dam on fire, giggling insanely. She pocketed her lighter and they all ran through the tunnel until they came out into the sunlight to see...

A purple-spotted flying hippopotamus!

No, not really. But wouldn't that be cool?

There was a fox there. Wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey.

"BURN IT. BURN THAT JERSEY." Erin advanced toward the fox with Molly's lighter. The rest of the group watched as Erin chased and finally burnt the fox to a crisp.

"Erin! What if that was a good guy?" Brad said.

"A good guy wouldn't be wearing a Leafs jersey," Erin said stubbornly.

"Can we just get going?" Mrs. Beaver said worriedly. Everyone sighed and followed. They were tired of walking.

Meanwhile, at the Witch's palace, Tall Devon was still sitting in the prison. Eventually Kristy came in.

"My police tore that dam apart... or tried to, since there were only ashes left... and could not find your little friends anywhere. I have no further use for you."

"Oh really?" Tall Devon winked.

"Really." She raised her wand and was about to turn him to stone when Tall Devon put a hand up to stop her.

"Wait... they said something about Aslan."

"ASLAN? IN NARNIA?"

"Apparently."

Just because I am lazy and have no idea how to switch events in this situation, Kristy had a sudden mood swing.

"Oh, Jamesy Wamesy Bear! I love you so!" She turned to the guard. "Guard, release him!"

The guard swung his club to break the chains around James' ankles, but "accidentally" hit him on the head, crushing his skull and painfully killing him.

"You killed James!" Kristy gasped.

"Bastard," Tall Devon finished.

"Oh well. Just get my sleigh ready, we're going to find those kids!" Kristy instructed. Soon they were off, going after our band geek heros and fictional characters.

And now, just before we cut off this chapter, we have an important message from Janel.

"DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN COCKROACHES! DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN CRAYONS CRAYONS CRAYONS CRAYONS! READ MY THEIF LORD STORY! MY PARTY WILL KICK ASS!"

Good job. Bye till next time!

* * *

Yup. This one is really not as good as the first few because I had to get this part of the story out of the way... it's like the hard part of the story. Anyways, now I'll be doing my social studies project all weekend. Yaaay.

In case anyone was wondering, I don't hate my cousin Kendra. In fact she's my favourite cousin. I just don't mind killing her.


	5. Presents and wolves

Yaaay. Part five. This story is really getting long.

Ha! I love not having homework.

CHAPTER FIVE - PRESENTS AND WOLVES

The alleged main characters of the story were now trudging across a snowy field, all annoyed, but Kaitlyn was in an especially bad mood because she wasn't mentioned at all in the last chapter.

As they were nearing the end of the field, they heard sleigh bells.

"You guys! I hear sleigh bells!" said Short Devon.

"Yeah!" everyone agreed.

"We should assume it's the Witch without even looking back and run for our lives!" Brad exclaimed, so they all sped up in a pointless attempt to outrun reindeer. Somehow, they managed to reach the edge of the woods first. They hid in a hollow space beneath a tree, and waited for impending doom.

After a minute or so, they heard footsteps and then saw a shadow on the tree in front of them...

Melodie gasped. "Omigod! It's some fat guy's shadow, so it _must_ be Kristy!"

Meanwhile:

"Hey," said Kristy, "I just got the feeling that someone called me fat..."

Anyway, Beaver decided to risk his neck to see who was really there. Nobody argued. Soon he came back dead. Wait, not dead, excited.

"Children--!"

"Hey, we're teenagers, not children!" said Brenna.

"I'm not a teenager..." Lucy put in sullenly.

"WHATEVER! What I'm trying to say is... Santa Claus is here!"

Melodie was the first to jump up and run yelling to the sleigh.

"Ho ho ho, I have presents!" said Santa.

"PRESENTS!" everyone yelled. They crowded around the sleigh to receive what they were seemingly getting for Christmas.

"Holy... how many of you are there? I only have enough for three people!" Santa said. "Alright then, I have some healing stuff and a dagger for Lucy..."

"I'm Lucy!" Molly said in a hurry. She grabbed the bottle of healing potion and the small dagger with satisfaction.

"Okay then... next I have a bow and arrows and a horn for Susan."

Apparently Erin wanted presents too. "I'm Susan!" she said, taking her identity theft-ed items and backing away to make sure Susan didn't saying anything to ruin it.

"And lastly, a sword and shield for Peter."

Before anyone could claim his name and take his presents, Peter ran over to take the sword and shield.

"Right then, I'm off. Have fun fighting your war." Santa sat back down in his sleigh and took off.

"Well. That was relevant," said Molly.

"What does relevant mean?" Hilary asked.

"Uh... I forget," Molly said vaguely. "Oh well. Let's just keep going."

So keep going they did, until they reached a big frozen waterfall. Of course, just when they were in the middle of crossing it, the ice started to crack and the wolves came and surrounded them.

"Well, I guess we'll just kill you like we were sent to," the leader wolf said. This leader wolf was wearing sunglasses, just because.

"Oh yeah?" Peter said. He stabbed his new sword heroically into the ice, hoping a chunk would break off and carry them all to safety, but his sword just got stuck. "Dammit! Move, you friggin' ice!"

The wolf lunged to attack and got a mouthful of James.

"Ew!" it said, "This tastes nasty. Let's just go."

They left James in a bloody piles and the others just stood there.

"Whoa... they killed James," said Short Devon.

Someone else was about to reply with 'Bastards!', when James spoke.

"Actually, I'm not quite dead yet," he said cheerfully.

"Huh?" everyone gasped in shocked unison.

"Yes, in fact, I'm feeling much better!" he remarked.

"But how did you survive?" Brady asked.

"Well, I'll tell you..." Music started playing in the background.

"Stop, stop! No singing!" said the greedy king from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. The music stopped, the king left, and only those who saw that particular Monty Python movie knew what was going on.

"Alrighty then, let's get going, shall we?" Mrs. Beaver said. So they left, and finally arrived at Aslan's camp.

The lot of them walked up the path through the camp, and at the end, Aslan emerged from his tent, and guess who was beside him.

Zach!

"ZACH!" everyone who knew Zach yelled. Which happened to be everyone except Kaitlyn, for she had only talked to him on MSN Messenger. There was a giant entanglement of people in a group hug, until Melodie shouted 'Ow! My shoulder!', and they all broke apart again.

"How did you get here?" Erin asked.

"I don't know. But I hope we get pizza," Zach said.

Then everyone was forced to wear medieval-looking clothes and nobody was happy with it.

"It's bad enough you guys are making me wear a dress to the prom, but this?" Molly said grouchily. She did not like white dresses.

"Hey, at least yours isn't pink," Kaitlyn grumbled.

At this moment, some guy with a suit and a mustache came over to them. And this guy with a suit and a mustache looked oddly like... Ashley, disguised in a suit and a mustache.

"Uh... is there a Janel here?" the suit and mustache guy asked, in a disguised voice that sounded like Ashley disguising her voice.

"Yeah..." said Janel.

"I'm here to inform you that you've won a huge art contest and you're coming with me to go and make a full-length feature anime film in honor of Hayao Miyazaki."

"...Really!"

"No." The suit and mustache guy laughed.

"THAT WAS NOT NICE!" Janel yelled. She wanted to make a full-length feature anime film.

"I was just kidding. Come on. You'll be back in time for the next chapter." So Janel and the suit and mustache guy disappeared with a loud Harry-Potter-ish-apparating sound.

Then a wolf came.

We'll skip the part where Peter kills the wolf, because I'm getting tired of this place. We now go to George with the weather.

"Today there will be breathable air and it might rain frogs. But probably not. And the Apocalypse is coming. That's all."

But what actually has something to do with this story is where the White Witch is now.

The bad guys had set up a sort of camp of their own in a dark, gloomy part of the woods. Tall Devon was gagged and tied to a tree. But not for long, since some of Aslan's people came and rescued him.

When Tall Devon had been brought back to Aslan's camp and been made to wear medieval-ish clothes like the others, everyone dragged from the real world into this story got together and had a huge party, not even noticing that Kristy came to try and get Tall Devon back but then leaving with a much better deal (coughkillingAslancough).

So they partied all day and night, until about 2 in the morning when Melodie and Kaitlyn could party no more. They saw Aslan leaving the camp, in the direction of the Stone Table, and decided to follow. Aslan, absorbed in self-pity, didn't notice.

When Aslan reached the Stone Table where Kristy and her ugly little minions were, Melodie and Kaitlyn hid behind a really big tree to watch what would happen.

"Hey Mel, isn't that Tessa in the evil peoples' group there?" Kaitlyn asked suddenly.

Melodie took a more careful look and sure enough spotted Molly's little sister, Tessa, jumping up and down savagely with all the other ugly White Witch's minions.

"TESSA!" Melodie yelled, luckily not attracting the attention of any bad guys. "Kaitlyn, let's go visit her!"

"Uh... no," Kaitlyn replied. As a warlord she knew it not wise to enter a crowd of your enemies to visit someone's little sister.

While Melodie and Kaitlyn had been talking about Tessa, Aslan had been tied down on the Stone Table and killed. The two observers only noticed what had happened when all the bad guys left, leaving the place empty except for the two of them and Dead Aslan.

They ran up to the Stone Table and looked at Dead Aslan for a minute, then shrugged and went back to their camp, where the party had finally stopped, and everyone went to sleep to prepare for the war the next day.

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Hahaha, yay. Part five is done and I think it'll only take 1 or 2 more chapters to finish this story! Poor people who read this. Maybe I'll write another story with us in some movie! That'll be awesome. Yeah. Done now.


	6. Better late than never

You guys. This is the last chapter of this entire story. It's the end. Sad, innit?

Here goes, and if you have any ideas for another movie-story-thing with us in it let me know and depending on how much it sucks I might use it.

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The morning of the war had arrived. Our brave heroes would march off to battle, facing their worst fears and terrible perilous danger.

And they all overslept.

After running around for a half an hour and some last-minute war prep, they showed up at the convenient giant field under-equipped and with no Aslan to boot.

"They're three hours late!" Kristy complained. "Okay, so I only got here 10 minutes ago, but still..."

The battle began.

Let me sum it up for you: watch the movie, but imagine me and my friends there.

They were fighting for a good 12 and a half minutes, and losing too - Kristy would turn anyone who came near her to stone. Which sucks for them because what they didn't mention in the book OR movies is that anyone turned into stone will suffer an eternally itchy nose. And of course they can't scratch it 'cause they're stone.

Anyway, there were statues everywhere and lots of dead people but mostly live people. Suddenly Aslan showed up, which confused a lot of people because dead lions don't generally come back to life and run off to war. But the main thing was that he brought re-enforcements so everyone went along with it.

Then Edmund suddenly had an idea - he would break Kristy's magic wand thingy so she couldn't turn anyone else into stone! Unfortunately for him, James had already thought it, done it, and was laying bleeding on the ground as a consequence.

"You bastard! You stole my part!" Edmund yelled at James. He was about to try and start a fight but was stopped because the others felt that not even James deserved to be beaten up when he was already dying.

Meanwhile, Peter was suddenly switched to kill mode and he tried to defeat Kristy himself, but he ended up being almost stabbed and Aslan had to save his ass.

Yeah, that means Kristy was killed. Haha Kristy. Haha.

"Molly!" Melodie said once the bad guys had realized their one chance of winning was gone and they had run away, "You have to use that healing stuff Santa gave you on people 'cause they have owies!"

Yep, Melodie _would_ say that, wouldn't she?

"Fiiiiine."

So Molly ran around with her healing potion stuff and gave a drop to anyone who looked not-quite-dead-yet. When she came to James, still dying, she deliberated for a moment.

"Well, you're really weird and nobody would miss you much, but you're my only chance for a prom date. So I guess." She gave him a drop of potion.

James sat up and looked around. "I'm gonna go find Erin." He walked away.

"Yeah, you're welcome," Molly called after him.

At the same time Aslan was going around breathing on statues to make them... uh... not statues. Although people weren't statues anymore, they still suffered from a constantly itchy nose.

After people were healed and dead bodies were eaten... ah, I mean... buried, the people who had come through the closet and hadn't been killed went to the castle that I forget the name of to be crowned the rulers of Narnia.

"Well this sucks," said Janel. The band people plus Kaitlyn were all sitting on the sidelines as Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy were being crowned on big fancy thrones.

Suddenly Molly's stealing habit started to kick in. She ran up, cackling maniacally, and proceeded to grab the four crowns from their pillows and ran back to her friends, where there was a huge fight over them and they were all eaten by Molly's cousin Kendra somehow.

In the end, the four Pevensie kids went home because they suck.

Also in the end, the 13 kids from Pictou became the seven queens and six kings of Narnia, which is more royalty than any country would ever need.

So they ruled over Narnia, as promised, and no one ever really questioned how the prophecy said there were going to be two kings and two queens, just to make it easier for me to finish this off.

One day after like 10 years, they were out on the other side of the kingdom just for the hell of it. Then, Hilary spotted a random lamp-post and said it seemed familiar.

"Hey guys, this lamp-post seems familiar," she said.

"Yeah, the narrator already said that," Brady pointed out.

"Oh right..."

Suddenly Melodie ran for a specific spot in the trees, and everyone ran after her because... well... because.

They ended up going through a tunnel with spikey gothic jackets that they all vaguely recalled too. Next thing they knew, they had all run out of the wardrobe in the spare room of the big house in the middle of nowhere.

"You guys, we're back! I remember this place!" Brenna cried, jumping up from the floor.

"Oh yeah," said Kaitlyn, "We were here because of that war... that I didn't cause..."

But there was something wrong with this picture.

"Wait a minute!" Short Devon said suspiciously. "When I went in that first time all those years ago, I was there for hours but I was actually gone for no time at all here, so why are we still grown up? Shouldn't we be kids again?"

Indeed, everyone was still the same as they had been in Narnia a few minutes ago. But there was a perfectly good explanation.

"Oh yeah, that. We were just messing with you, you really were gone for hours that time," Erin said nonchalantly.

"Hey! We're out of school!" Tall Devon pointed out.

"Awesome!" everyone cheered in response.

This is the part where the professor would have come in, but since the 10 years actually passed he's dead.

The end, I guess.

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It's done... Yup. That's all.

This one was a little rushed and shorter than usual, but still pretty good I'd say.

But I promise I'll write another movie parody like this eventually. Yay. Byes!


End file.
